Ok, getting specific...
At least a little bit. Today I spoke to a dear friend of mine. She said "ok, what's the problem?". I said "Well, first there's that... he is a man". Any mother in here (including myself) please teach your sons to... well... speak. Not to generalize. At all.
Yes, it's that. He wants to return and I don't. Then there's some other more or less common issues. When it goes on too long you start to loose hope. When you have children though you almost never loose hope. However, I'm not ready to give up just yet. I just don'y know how to continue.
At least it seemes I got my blog-drive back.
Yes, it's that. He wants to return and I don't. Then there's some other more or less common issues. When it goes on too long you start to loose hope. When you have children though you almost never loose hope. However, I'm not ready to give up just yet. I just don'y know how to continue.
At least it seemes I got my blog-drive back.
posted by Imaan On Ice at 10:39 PM
19 Comments:
Imaan my sister, do I ever know how you feel. I am in the same situation with my husband! He wants to return to his country or an Islamic country like Egypt or Morocco, and however much I love to visit I just don't want to live there. Its become a constant struggle, he wants to make sure that our children learn Arabic and that they know the religion. And oh so many times has he made refered to me as spoiled! And also commented on how he doesn't want our daughter to grow up spoiled like me where she will be resistant to change! It goes on and on, and it truely is my struggle to keep my family together in one place. I do have to say this though someone would have to kill me first before I ever were to be seperated from my babies. These men are so stuburn, and they do lack intimate communication skills. Well at least we're not alone and there are other women out there who are going through similar situations. Did you always know that your husband wanted to return to Gaza, or is has it just started coming up more recently?
I'm glad you got your blog drive back. Is it possible to do some sort of compromise where you spend some months in Gaza each year, but your home, and where the children go to school, is in Stockholm?
I'm glad you have a good friend to share these things with. Apart from all of us here, of course.
Judy's idea is great and it is the same as the one I proposed to my husband as well. I do sincerely hope you work things out.
I didn't get it Why now he wants to go back.
1. When he fell in love with a western raised girl and married her.
2. He moved away from his home on pursuit of a better life and career.
3. Now it's time for his kids to have it all then these things become untolerable for him.
OR something has changed in Sweden or in his home which making him go?
Well Good Luck but I think he is being a hypocrite here. Hang in there dear. My prayers are with you.
BTW You've got very lovely kids.
I forgot to add my brother is in the process of getting married but He already told his fiancé that there might be a slight chance of moving to India in couple of years. He told her in advance because he didn’t grow up in the US and sometimes feels out of place here. The girl is an Indian but born and bred here and so far has no problem with it. Anyway if your hubby did mention it before then he got a right to decide it.
Your support means a lot.
He did not tell me from the beginning. But it became an issue from the very beginning of our marriage (that's why I finally agreed - to at least have been giving it a try).
I think there are many reasons for him wanting to go back. It is after all his country, his place of birth, were he grew up. He miss "his" people. There could be some things to complain about as far as living in Sweden, but when you insist to go back you only see the bad stuff, I guess. He is holding on to an unrealistic dream.
Poor my husband. Being a blog-subject.
Thats us palestininas.
I hope things get better I really do
I hope everything will be ok nshallah... your husband might have his own reasons...you should have an agreenment..maybe Sweden is not paradise...think about your life and your children 10 years from now, see all the good and bad things that might happen..you might want to sacrifice the paradise u found in sweden for the good of your children, think about it.
If Sweden is not Paradise, which it is not, but Gaza is certainly not Paradise either, so for the good of your children....raise them in an environment were they will be safest from violence on a day to day basis. Yes I know there is violence everywhere, and things happen all over BUT Gaza is in a crisis and it may not be the healthest environment to raise children in even if it is an Islamic environment...because I know that this is what it is all boiling down to. Think about your children in 10 years and think of all the good and bad that can happen also applies to everywhere, so just because a country is Islamic and they are surrounded by Muslims DOESN'T mean they will be righteous.
I just read this, and my advice is, talk to the closest people you have , and by close i mean people in malmo( i think u know who i mean). they might have something to say that could make ur husband change ideas. Maybe its not the best advice, but it still its one.
A wannabe docter in poland/ and a goooood zelda player
Dear Imaan
I have been following your blog quietly until now, admiring your courage and good sense in hard circumstances, and generally keeping my fingers crossed for you.
But now I must speak- do not go back to Gaza! at least not until the situation there is more stable! They seem to be on the verge of a civil war, and anarchy is increasing daily. You can't take young innocent souls who depend on you for everything, to a war zone! Surely your husband will understand this.
Hope for the best for your husband's family and all Gazans, but for God's sake stay in Sweden.
My dear sister Imaan
May Allah make it easy for you to deal with and come to a decision. It clearly is difficult.
I don't know what your circle of confidantes are... but I think it would be better to not discuss the intimate details of your differences with your husband on this blog. Please try to keep it within your marriage or with those close to you only. I think there is wisdom in keeping issues within a marriage within that space or if necessary, only with your close loved ones, please.
I do wish you all the best my sister. Pray to Allah for guidance, insha-Allah, He will respond to your prayers.
I'm biting my tongue from the "he might have his own reasons" crap - those are reasons that should be shared with his wife.
Sorry it is so tough. You made the choice to move back to Sweden specifically for your children and that is incredibly important. The summers in Gaza (or maybe Egypt) idea seems like it might be some kind of compromise, where noone is perfectly happy but then noone is completely miserable either.
You do have unconditional support here, there are many people who hope you find the solution that will best suit your whole family.
Hello
I've been reading your blog from the beginning.I'm European and married to a palestinian man too.Lucky me, he's from Ramallah, not Gaza, life is more peaceful there and more opened on the outside.
We're getting through troubles too, due to our difference of cultures, his dream of a Palestine that will never exist, and a certain lack of communication from him, yes you're right, men should simply talk sometimes.
My heart is with you, and I've found a lot of my own experience through your blog, so I can understand what you feel very well.
You don't want to be the one who will break his dream, but at the same time, you care for your children's safety and education and your own life.
I'd be happy to share with you my own experience of european woman married to a "strong minded" palestinian man.
Here is my msn if you want to share our experiences:linkelv@hotmail.com
I'm glad to see you've returned to blogging. I find your journal very interesting (who cares if you offer political commentary?). In reading your blog, I'm finding it interesting how universal our experiences as women are. I had to laught when I read the comment in your blog that your friend said in response to your marital issues "Well, first there's that.. he is a man." That is exactly the same comment we make here (in the US)to explain our husband's "annoying" behaviors, though it doesn't excuse the more serious issues.
So.... people outside the United States view westerners as "spoiled"? I guess I knew that but it's interesting to read how we're viewed from the "outside".
Good luck with the "where to live" issue and good for you for standing your ground. It is amazing that for your husband's sake you were willing to give Gaza a try at all. I think that when it comes to issues of children's safety that there can be no compromise. And, I think women are much more likely (everywhere in the world) to put the needs of their children before their own. In general, I've found men tend to be much more self centered than women in pursuing there own desires over the needs of others, even their own children.
From A.A.A
Dear Imaan I agree with that wonderfull idea that it's much petter to discuse privet things about your life with your cloose trust friends and tray to be close to god with your praiers and make duaa spacily at fajer time and tray to get advice from your same relgin pepols and love must be the first between you and you husband
how can you be married to a shitty-dirty pal?
I'd like to repeat what everyone else has said that you are a good wife for living in Gaza for even a short time, and you're a good mother for not staying there.
I hope you don't change your mind. Aside from the obvious considerations of better schools, cleaner environment in Sweden, has your husband considered the possibility that in Gaza your sweet children could fall under the influence of radical fanatics and one day become terrorists or suicide bombers? Keep them away from that dangerous place.
As salam aleikum
Dear Imaan,i hope everything works out fine,after reading your newest posts (long time since i was here)i can only say: thats why i never discuss anything....i just "stand out" but for how long?!!!
Salam from Mochajam in Syria.
Post a Comment
<< Home