What could have been
As Gaza is really living up to its description of being battered these days needless to say that my thoughts are with everyone who is suffering - and I am in many ways happy to say - over there.
Being married from a Gazan and me myself having lived there not long ago, Gaza is of course really not that far away. It's actually right here in my living room, in the news or on the internet, but mostly in my mind.
I cannot help but wonder, when I read this...
"Along with the mass kidnappings, an armed force of terrorists attacked the school.We had word early on Tuesday (March 14th) that there might be a problem due to the Israeli capture of the six Palestinian militants from the jail in Jericho, so it was decided that school would be turned out early. We had the kids out for the buses, but two of the buses were late so about half of the kids were still sitting on the edge of the soccer field waiting. I heard shots being fired just as one of the Israeli drones went overhead, so I thought that someone was just shooting at the drone, but then I saw the security at the top of the hill running toward the shots. Then the shots started going overhead and we started to herd the children back to the building. As I ran to the building, I saw someone with his arm around one of the teachers; I mistook him for one of the security forces people until I was about 15 yards from him. He was holding the teacher hostage while the real security was advancing on him. I took the kids that were with me and got behind something for cover.About that time, one of the other teachers started yelling for the kids and I to pull back behind the generator shed about 60 yards or so behind us, so with gunfire still going off, another teacher and I pulled the kids back behind the building. Almost immediately, one of the security guys and one of the Palestinian teachers ran out to us screaming for us (the two western teachers) to come with them to safety. I told them to take Stephen since I would not be automatically picked out as westerner and I was the only one left with the kids. But they came right back after they got him in the building and were ordering me to come with them. When I refused, the older high school boys started yelling at me to get to safety and that they would take care of the younger children. So the security guys and I made the sprint for the building through middle of the fight. Unknown to us, about 10 of the militants had gotten into the building, so we spent the first few minutes hiding in the building, a few teachers with students in rooms spread all over the school, waiting for the security forces to retake the building.When the militants started to leave, they grabbed two of the other teachers (two Australians that they thought were Americans). When two of the Palestinian staff tried to prevent them from leaving with the teachers, the militants shot them. It took about 20 minutes for the security forces to retake the building. During that time, the American Consulate in Jerusalem was on the phone to me every few minutes getting updates. They immediately liaised with the Palestinian Authority to get the four Americans out as soon as possible, but by the time they were ready to go, ALL of the western teachers were ready to be taken out (with all of the foreign embassies getting their people out).We were taken out the back way to avoid the militants who were trying to cut off the route to the Erez Crossing. Even when we got there, things did not calm down. The UN contingent was just behind us and were stopped before they got to the crossing and had to be freed by the security forces. We crossed over to wait on the release of the two kidnapped teachers. As soon as they were through the crossing, the Israelis immediately started to pound the hell out of Gaza."
and this...
"Its 1am. Gaza city is under heavy aerial and sea bombardment, unlike anything the city has seen in recent years. As I write this, F-16 warplanes-not Apaches or tanks-are bombarding Gaza City, where I live, just a few roads away from my house. The entire house is shaking and the windows have cracked. The explosions are so powerful my ears are ringing...they are like sonic booms, but they are real, and they are terrorizing and causing panic. There are several casualities reported by local radio, but other than that we know little else....I'm going to take cover now."
... what could have been? Had I stayed, where would I have been in all of this? You might think that it was an easy choice for me to leave Gaza. Is anything ever easy? In some ways, yes, it was an easy choice. Let's see, safe and clean Stockholm vs bombarded and battered Gaza...
However, leaving Gaza had a price. Breaking my husband's dream of 20 years. Returning to the Ard-ur-Ribat, his precious homeland, his birthplace. It's just like that, what you can't have you want more. Now, the battle for Gaza continues here, in our livingroom. With all the forces FOR living in Gaza (from my husband and his family) I might just very well have stayed. And the thing that is scary with living in a conflict like the one in Gaza is not the fear of dying, it's the fear of what the conflict is gonna do to you while alive.
I only tasted six months. It's almost ridiculous comparing with the people who are born and raised in this conflict. Still these six months has made such an impact on my life that I am not yet able to grasp it completely. I have not yet been able to come to terms with it. I am afraid I'm bothering my poor friends with completly uninteresting details of what happened that time when a took a taxi to Al Jundi or that time when I met that person or that time when... and so on. Or when I found myself sitting 40 minutes in the school-nurse's office, who was supposed to check Ibrahim's vision, speaking about the shellings and my bus-ride through Rafah a hot June day and my encounter with gunmen and the teacher who hit my son... Well, I had to stop myself. Dear God.
As I've stated in earlier posts many palestinians (including my very own) outside Palestine want nothing more than to return, and I respect that. Your country is your country for better or worse. However I belive you make some choices in life that comes with consequenses. For example marrying a stubborn swedish woman.
Our focus right now is living here, in Stockholm, but my husband's dream of Gaza is still PINK, as I like to call it. He see all the bad things happening, yet in the same time he don't. And how can I compete with that?
Being married from a Gazan and me myself having lived there not long ago, Gaza is of course really not that far away. It's actually right here in my living room, in the news or on the internet, but mostly in my mind.
I cannot help but wonder, when I read this...
"Along with the mass kidnappings, an armed force of terrorists attacked the school.We had word early on Tuesday (March 14th) that there might be a problem due to the Israeli capture of the six Palestinian militants from the jail in Jericho, so it was decided that school would be turned out early. We had the kids out for the buses, but two of the buses were late so about half of the kids were still sitting on the edge of the soccer field waiting. I heard shots being fired just as one of the Israeli drones went overhead, so I thought that someone was just shooting at the drone, but then I saw the security at the top of the hill running toward the shots. Then the shots started going overhead and we started to herd the children back to the building. As I ran to the building, I saw someone with his arm around one of the teachers; I mistook him for one of the security forces people until I was about 15 yards from him. He was holding the teacher hostage while the real security was advancing on him. I took the kids that were with me and got behind something for cover.About that time, one of the other teachers started yelling for the kids and I to pull back behind the generator shed about 60 yards or so behind us, so with gunfire still going off, another teacher and I pulled the kids back behind the building. Almost immediately, one of the security guys and one of the Palestinian teachers ran out to us screaming for us (the two western teachers) to come with them to safety. I told them to take Stephen since I would not be automatically picked out as westerner and I was the only one left with the kids. But they came right back after they got him in the building and were ordering me to come with them. When I refused, the older high school boys started yelling at me to get to safety and that they would take care of the younger children. So the security guys and I made the sprint for the building through middle of the fight. Unknown to us, about 10 of the militants had gotten into the building, so we spent the first few minutes hiding in the building, a few teachers with students in rooms spread all over the school, waiting for the security forces to retake the building.When the militants started to leave, they grabbed two of the other teachers (two Australians that they thought were Americans). When two of the Palestinian staff tried to prevent them from leaving with the teachers, the militants shot them. It took about 20 minutes for the security forces to retake the building. During that time, the American Consulate in Jerusalem was on the phone to me every few minutes getting updates. They immediately liaised with the Palestinian Authority to get the four Americans out as soon as possible, but by the time they were ready to go, ALL of the western teachers were ready to be taken out (with all of the foreign embassies getting their people out).We were taken out the back way to avoid the militants who were trying to cut off the route to the Erez Crossing. Even when we got there, things did not calm down. The UN contingent was just behind us and were stopped before they got to the crossing and had to be freed by the security forces. We crossed over to wait on the release of the two kidnapped teachers. As soon as they were through the crossing, the Israelis immediately started to pound the hell out of Gaza."
and this...
"Its 1am. Gaza city is under heavy aerial and sea bombardment, unlike anything the city has seen in recent years. As I write this, F-16 warplanes-not Apaches or tanks-are bombarding Gaza City, where I live, just a few roads away from my house. The entire house is shaking and the windows have cracked. The explosions are so powerful my ears are ringing...they are like sonic booms, but they are real, and they are terrorizing and causing panic. There are several casualities reported by local radio, but other than that we know little else....I'm going to take cover now."
... what could have been? Had I stayed, where would I have been in all of this? You might think that it was an easy choice for me to leave Gaza. Is anything ever easy? In some ways, yes, it was an easy choice. Let's see, safe and clean Stockholm vs bombarded and battered Gaza...
However, leaving Gaza had a price. Breaking my husband's dream of 20 years. Returning to the Ard-ur-Ribat, his precious homeland, his birthplace. It's just like that, what you can't have you want more. Now, the battle for Gaza continues here, in our livingroom. With all the forces FOR living in Gaza (from my husband and his family) I might just very well have stayed. And the thing that is scary with living in a conflict like the one in Gaza is not the fear of dying, it's the fear of what the conflict is gonna do to you while alive.
I only tasted six months. It's almost ridiculous comparing with the people who are born and raised in this conflict. Still these six months has made such an impact on my life that I am not yet able to grasp it completely. I have not yet been able to come to terms with it. I am afraid I'm bothering my poor friends with completly uninteresting details of what happened that time when a took a taxi to Al Jundi or that time when I met that person or that time when... and so on. Or when I found myself sitting 40 minutes in the school-nurse's office, who was supposed to check Ibrahim's vision, speaking about the shellings and my bus-ride through Rafah a hot June day and my encounter with gunmen and the teacher who hit my son... Well, I had to stop myself. Dear God.
As I've stated in earlier posts many palestinians (including my very own) outside Palestine want nothing more than to return, and I respect that. Your country is your country for better or worse. However I belive you make some choices in life that comes with consequenses. For example marrying a stubborn swedish woman.
Our focus right now is living here, in Stockholm, but my husband's dream of Gaza is still PINK, as I like to call it. He see all the bad things happening, yet in the same time he don't. And how can I compete with that?
posted by Imaan On Ice at 8:05 PM
30 Comments:
I don't think you can compete with it, although it sounded as though you actually spent more time there than he did during the past six months. When my husband gets homesick I send him back for a visit, that usually cures it quickly. He sees the bad stuff up close and he remembers what he has at home.
You never said though - why didn't you chose to try to live in Cairo before returning to Sweden? Or was it just too much movement.
The experience for us was too bad to have any energy left to try another place.
Besides that, as far as I know from my egyptian sources, they beat the school-children in Egypt as well.
Same shit, different place.
Hi again Imman,
I'm back and thanks for the comment on my blog!
I'm reading the extracts with a very heavy heart. It's so upsetting to read about things that people in Gaza have to experience on a daily basis. Without getting political in my ramblings. It just troubles me when I think of the effect that these events have on the citizens, especially the children. I couldn't imagine living in a position where you have Israeli war planes overhead firing at targets. Of teachers being held hostage by militants, or of your windows being smashed by the impact of bombs being fired near you wondering if you and your family will be safe the nexy day.
I can understand your husbands point of view. It's a case of looking at things with rose tinted glasses. I do it all the time with Greece, I see only the good and the bad seems to disappear into the background. It's only when your up close and personal with the bad situations do you come to your senses and look at things more logically.
I think you made the right decision to move to Sweden, you never know, if the situation ever improves in Gaza (and God willing, it will) then maybe you can reassess the living situation then.
Imaan*
I made a typo on your name... sorry!!!
Ugh! I would hate the thought of anyone beating one of my children, or touching one hair on their heads. They only get one chance at childhood and as parents we have to do the best we can.
You did the right thing.
What does your husband do? Maybe he could find a job that would allow him to travel there so that he could keep in contact with his family and roots.
If the Gazans don't like it, they can stop the rockets. It's that simple.
Hi Imaan. I've been in touch with Arthur, and we've talked about some things. He admitted he had some very emotional experiences and many thoughts that were not very introspective at first, which is why he is holding back to re-assess.
But re schools: I was talking to Melina and my Aunt mona (I even visited the school where Milena teaches, the holy family) and they were surprised because you sem to have had a particularly bad experiences re schools. Believe me it is not standard as you make it seem to beat schoolchildren here-and interestingly wher it is more of a problem in many public (non-UN, nonprivate) schools today, it wasn't during my father's days in gaza-whcih tells you a thing or two about the impact of socio-economics. but anyway-a lot of my cousins and friends enrolled here love their schools and never had so much as a hair ruffled.
i'm going to write a post about the internal situation in a bit...my Aunt just died today and we're all trying to get over that
wa aleykum hi, I cannot speak for M but I spoke to her on a regular basis while in Gaza and she was not at all surprised, in fact she was the one who warned me. And what proofs do you have that it is NOT standards as you say?
I'm only speaking about what I saw in my son's school and of what I saw while doing my social-antropology study, and of what I heard from others own stories.
It's not only the beating, it's the attitude as well.
Besides that M is both polite full of saber, both which I am not.
polite AND full of saber
I suppose we each have different levels of saber to deal with certain situation. I guess I always think of Amr Khalid's "Sunna3 il 7aya"...building life, being pro-active. Although understandably, that can only take you so far.
And what proof do you have that it IS the standard, throughout Gaza's hundreds of schools, which service hundreds of thousands of children?
Like I said, most people who want better standards of education-not jsut in Gaza, but around the world (especially the U.S.) will opt for private schools. Of course here private schools are rather cheap and not confined to the elite as they are in many places, but offer significantly better standards. I don't have any sort of academic study of the school system in gaza (I'll look, I'm sure the GAza community mental health programme has one), but this is from the several schools I have visited and students I have spoken with. Its easy to dismiss a place or an institional based on some surface observations of bad experiences: "I was robbed in Mexico city, that place is full of theives and beggars"; "my child was beaten in a Gaza school, they all beat their schoolchildren there". That is our nature as human beings, to extrapolate and generalize.
and like I said, I'm sure the attitude will be different, a reflection of the socio-psychosomatic-and economic factors, as they would in any inner-city throughout the world. I happened to teach in a PRIVATE school in the United States where it was so nightmarish that I thought I was in a thirld-world country somewhere.
Layla, you are in a third world country and I doubt that this private school you worked in in the US was anything like a third world country. You seem to have this duty bestowed on you to defend all that is wrong with Gaza regardless that it is staring you in the face. Your Gaza is not a paradise, and thats ok so stop trying to cover up every flaw that Imaan points out about the school system. I would tend to believe Imaan she has no reason to lie or over exagerate the story. I'm not saying that there is nothing wrong with the US school system but please stop comparing what happens in the US to what happens in Gaza, there is no base for comparison.
Laila, I never said that it IS standard in Gaza to beat school-children, as I just said in my comment I only speak about my own son's experiences in ONE school and my own field-study in another one and the own stories of other Gazans and foreigners living in Gaza. YOU however said it is NOT standard, therefore the question of proof.
I have very good reason to "generalize" as you call it, because the schoolsystem was pretty much all what I spoke to people about since the day I arrived til the day I left. EVERYONE I spoke to about this matter, which was mostly Gazans, said that it was standard that the teachers beat the children, and no one knew how to object. Or they had the attitude, like some parents I met during the first week of school, who actually told the teacher (in front of their child sitting in class) that "if she/or he don't listen - beat her/him!", the attitude that there is really not that big of a deal if the child is beaten in school, it's for their own good anyway.
A relative of mine told me that she was once punished by being forced to stand on the schoolyard in the sun (during the hot season), and she stood there for about one and a half hour until another teacher saw her and took her in and told off the other teacher. She was 13 when that happened. Another time she was punished (for not being on the same page as the others in the book) by being beaten by a male teacher all over her body with an "asaya" (stick) until she cried. She was 16 at that time and she is 20 today, so that was 4 years ago. After that her mother came and spoke with the principal and they promised to never do such a thing again... But she was forced to continue in his class.
And about the attitude. After they beat my son I spoke with the teacher herself and she told me "but I didn't beat him that hard". Eh? And the principal told me (after visiting her office a few times) that I was "difficult" beacuse I complained after everytime they had beaten him. "I have doctors who put their children in my school and they are satisfied", she said. Ibrahim told me that they used to take the children two and two to another room and beat them until they cried, when beating them in the classroom was not enough which they (according to him and two of the teachers I became more or less friends with since I visited the school twice every day - and I was almost the only parent who did that) did many times everyday with an asaya. On the head, on the shoulder, on the hands. "Efta idak" - Open you hand.
As I used to stay and watch the "morning-songs" from a distance I saw the teachers almost EVERYDAY slapping the kids on the head for not standing still in the line, not to mention that they called them "ya haiwan, ya himar" - animal, donkey". I also saw that on my field-study.
One of the most heartbreaking beatings I saw while waiting for Ibrahim at the school-gates was when a teacher wanted to catch some kids from the "nursery" (they were between 4-5 years old), she grabbed two and slapped them on the head, then there was one boy left who started crying beacuse he realized there was no way out but to pass the teacher. Then she told him "just come, I won't beat you". So he slowly started to walk towards her, crying from fear. When she could grab him she slapped him twice on the head. After that he ran from her and stayed in a corner crying. Nobody cared about him.
I must however say that the beatings I saw BETWEEN the children were the worst. The teasing. That was what I was most afraid of.
Nothing surprises me from people living in that awful situation as Gazans do, however the ATTITUDE cannot be blamed on the state of Israel.
Oh, and by the way, all the school I talk about here were PRIVATE schools.
In Sweden for example, the situation is the opposite. Private schoools often offer lower standards because they are on their own. Goverment schools offer a very high standard usually. But, of course, we have a lot of problems with swedish schoolsystem as well. But not with the teachers attitude at least.
Oh again, The holy family school that you mentioned has videocameras in their rooms in order to prevent beatings. Very good, I think. But it also tells you how wide spread beating is if that principal who is very much against beating cannot find any other way to sort it out than by videocameras.
Last oh, any private school wants to make money from the parents so the are very eager to show off a perfect image. Never mind the thruth. Or did you think they would tell you that they occasionally beat the children?
You got me started.
Good for you Imaan, I must say that Layla gets too defensive and although she may write a good story or two, her attitude stinks at times. I think she is a B---H excuse me but sadly its true. I'm glad you shut here down right away.
I think Laila is more than good at what she does, mashaAllah. Everyone has their own purpose and mission in life. Just don't come and tell me that beating in Gazan schools is unusual.
And it would be better to be sad for the Gazan schoolchildren than to be happy that I "shut Laila down", isn't it?
PS again: B---H words don't belong here.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Amazing what some people will resort to when they are unable to come with a grounded response. Name-calling? tsk tsk. really now, what are we in third-grade? (i guess not, because they wouldn't use that kind of language). If you want to take it up with me Anon, email me directly or show your try identity.
Incidentaly Imaan, someone hacked into my system and I think posted something in my name which seems has been deleted above which is good.
A poster as part of Palestine Child Day and a campaign of protection for Palestinian children:
http://www.gcmhp.net/File_files/postercildrenlarg.gif
Take a look at their studies (under departments-->research).
In the end, we each make our own choices, and taking your children away from Gaza and its schools is your prerogative.
You can go on and on about how horrible the school system is. Heck, everyone goes on and on about how horrible everything is here, including schools and curriculums etc. But some of those people choose to actually be pro-active and do something to change it. To be fair, you perhaps did not have the saber or energy or desire to do so, and that is understandable. But I also find it unhelpful to categorize and generalize.
Did I think they would tell me that they occasionally beat the children? I wasn't waiting for anyone to tell me anything, sadly we all know that this is a phenomenon prevalent in some schools, but again, i still stand by my line and say it is not the norm. I am not a European school monitor coming to inspect the school. I went there unnannounced to do a quick interview with a schoolteacher for the BBC.
Again, you are free to do what you want and say what you want. I'm just giving my opinion. Generalizations aren't helpful, and yes, you made them ("they beat the schoolchildren there"), falling prey to the same "attitude" problem you accuse you son's horrible school administrators of (I am not casting doubt on his experiences-I noticed how traumatized he was when a then 20 month old YOusuf put his hand on his shoulder and he began to cry).
And re: teasing- every heard of Columbine?
We disagree on an instrinsic level and that's fine. I wish you luck and peace and prosperity for you and your children in Stockholm. I hope one day they become doers,and hopefully particpate in building their country and nation to the better.
Iman why does it surprise you that palesteenians are so violent and beat their own children in schools if their textbooks distributed to them by their Palesteenian Ministry of Education is anti-semitic and incites them to violence? Also look at this how they are just little terrorists: http://www.israel-wat.com/pics1_eng.htm#a4
Also why should you be surprised if their own religion, which is you religion too, tells them that judgement day will come when the trees say to the moslems that there is "Jew" behind me so you can kil them all off.
you are just pretend to be on moral high ground as all swedes but really are just as bad both as moslem and swede (did you see article today in haaretz showing how swedes aided Nazis in WWII?)
ron, thanks god you are here!
Good job. thank you for the link.
I sent the same link to laila, but she erased it . Looks like it is paintfull to watch, but what can you do? This sad, sad situation.
I just find out about this blog .
I like it very much.
Will be in here soon.
the ather ron
This is all what I know, IT SEEMED VERY USUAL TO ME DUE TO WHAT I SAW MYSELF AND DUE TO WHAT I HEARD FROM OTHER GAZANS.
I however find it VERY helpful to speak openly about this subject, since almost no one else does.
Columbine has really nothing to do with my comments on schools in Gaza. If you think that I'm pointing out "faults" only on Gaza, you're wrong. I'm commenting on Gaza since I used to be living there. Posts on my life here will come as we go along.
You tell that b****h Imaan!! And thank G-d someone is finally saying the TRUTH about Gaza
Your Israeli fan forever
ron
I think it is rather unfair to chastise Imaan for not being more proactive in attempting to change the situation. For one thing, it is much more difficult to do from the position of outsider, as a foreigner, than as a native Gazan. In any culture and any nation the locals tend to take critisizm and any attempt to influence from outsiders and the newly arrived pretty badly.
On the other hand, tackling the situation that bothered Imaan could take years - years that her son didn't have. It can also be pretty traumatizing to be the kid with the trouble making mother.
On top of this Imaan had to deal with the adjustment both for herself and the rest of her family as well as homesickness for her own home and family.
At the end of the day, you just do the best that you can.
Good Luck
That's true Lisoosh, thus my comment:
"In the end, we each make our own choices, and taking your children away from Gaza and its schools is your prerogative.
[S]ome of those people choose to actually be pro-active and do something to change it. To be fair, you perhaps did not have the saber (patience) or energy or desire to do so, and that is understandable."
I guess maybe Imaan doesn't hear ENOUGH people criticizing Gaza. But for me, that's ALL I hear, from everywhere and everyone.
Honestly, can you tell me when the last time is that you heard something in the media or general public that associated Gaza with anything positive? Because I can't. Its fatiguing because all the associations I get are: Gaza=violence=militancy=dirty=angry=hateful=squaldid=abusive.
Am I missing any?
We all have our boiling points.
How and where we choose to boil over is up to us. Blogs are personal and suffering dailing hate attacks on my own blog, I understand that well.
I'm not saying we should mask the hideousness, god knows there's plenty to go around, and that's my point. I'm just saying, at least for me, and in a situation such as Gaza with already so many problems, if the purpose is "improvement" as you mentioned in Palestinian Princess's blog, then I personally would like to go about it more strategically.
A good example is that of the Refusniks and their internal debate.
As I explained to imaan in an email, perhaps a strongly-worded letter to the new Ministry of Education, even from her vantage point, would be a good start?
But if the purpose is not improvement, as she said it was, but rather just venting to the world yet another horrible thing about Gaza, that is her prerogative, and she is entitled to her free speech, as I am entitled to my opinion on it.
Laila - is all of your post directed at me or some to Imaan? I have never heard of "Palestinian Princess" or her blog.
I do know that when Imaan posted pleasant things about Gaza on her blog - showing pictures of parks for instance, she got lots of positive responses from people who were pleasantly surprised by how nice some parts of Gaza actually is.
oops, mixed my tenses. you're right, the graph that starts "I'm not saying..." was for Imaan.
Imaan,
I really admire you and your Blog,I only feel sorry that you don´t write more often.
What would have happened if Arafat had accept Barak peace offer and spent the last 5 years building something insteak of war were thousands on both sides have been killed.
Given the propaganda coming out of Iran it will get even worse millions may die.
terror gets you more terror it will never get you peace.
I feel for your husband seeing his "pink" dream of Gaza. I still have an image of my childhood home in the roughest part of East London. And that's a bit pink too, though my childhood wasn't that happy. It's just very hard to come to terms with the fact that though the place is physically there, it will never match what's in your dream or your memory.
And I don't think you are at all boring us with details of your own memories and your Gaza stories. Your posts brought Gaza to life for me and other people all over the world who only previously knew of it through propaganda and sensational news reports.
And I can't imagine myself ever tiring of hearing more of your stories and your experiences.
So, no contest... no need to compete with dreams.
Just have faith in your own voice and your own eyes.
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